2015, for me, is a year of taking big leaps, making bold decisions, and stepping back to re-focus. I remember, when the year turned a new leaf, I was on a roof deck witnessing countless fireworks displays at every corner of the night sky. There were explosions of colorful lights and shouts of merriment. The air was filled with a festive mood, everyone so grateful to be alive in 2015. I claimed it to be my year ... the year I breakthrough and make things happen.
To be perfectly honest, 2015 was anything but easy. I was really put to the test. As always, the first quarter of the year was the happiest. I gathered that my optimism is unrivaled in the first three to four months of the year - when the feeling of fresh starts is still new, when it's still exciting to stick with resolutions. Even last year and the year before that, I'd observed that the challenges would present themselves at around June. When I think about it now, the difficulties arise when the sense of optimism wanes. So, maybe, it is all just a state of mind? Though I know that my struggles were real and not mainly figment of my vivid imagination, or pag-iinarte, I swear!
2015 was a very uncomfortable year. Work-wise, I endured months of feeling like I don't belong and I deserve to be somewhere else. I was praying, hoping, and praying some more to find the light at the end of the tunnel. The whole year was practically a long stretch of months trying to look for a new job, an extra source of income, and so on. I was tempted to settle for less, if it means regaining discipline and finally doing something I am most confident at.
It was a year of listening to people speak about what success is and how to be successful, and though I agree to such concepts and ideas, there were a few things and practices I couldn't really stomach. Maybe, just maybe, we all have our own destinies ... and I, personally, don't want to be placed in a box. The unconventional for some looks conventional for me, and I don't want to live my life trying to satisfy somebody else's expectations.
On a positive note, the year that was taught me very important lessons in life. It's true, the best insights come when life's at its hardest.
It is totally okay to ask for help. Even then, as a student, I would refrain from asking too many questions when I could figure things out on my own. Most of the time, I could. In life, I have seemed to follow the same principle. I handle things with as little help from others as possible. Maybe it's independence. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it's me trying to pretend that life is A-OK. Maybe it's me not wanting to cause inconvenience to other people. This time, though, I had to accept the fact that I needed help and there are people out there who are willing to do so. And life becomes a lot less stressful and much more bearable.
Prayers work. Taking action works, too. And doing both of them is the perfect combo. Whenever I pray, I feel like God and all the angels and saints in heaven hear my prayer and they are all rooting for me. I can almost hear their loud cheers from up there. I am energized to say the least. Especially when I feel like giving up, thinking my efforts are all going in vain. Taking action - doing one little thing every single day to achieve my goal - gives me assurance that one day soon I will hit the jackpot. I greatly believe in the intervention of the Divine - the force that leads you to a better place, a better job, a better person when you almost ended up settling for less. I'd say it's the Holy Spirit whispering to your ear, "Have faith. Something better is in store for you. You are made for greatness."
Always, always invest in people and treasure meaningful relationships. I admit that I always struggle being kind. I mean, I'm not a rude person, but I have a tendency to be complacent. I've been accused of not being caring enough or expressive enough. In my defense, I'm not malambing, touchy-kind of person ever since my world began. My love language is different. I would write you letters, I would stay late at night to edit your thesis, I would patiently teach you how the photocopying machine works, I would listen to your sentiments and rants day in and day out, I would give you money if it would come down to that. This year, though, I am slowly learning to break the mold I have placed myself in. Because the people in my life deserve more than what I thought am capable of giving. And so I persevere to love more. At the end of the day, the love that we give is the love that we receive. And I am just extremely grateful that in spite of being me, I am still loved.
2015 is a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. It started nicely really and almost fell into shambles in the middle, but it picked up speed and brought me to a greater height again. I got a new job in November, and in a way, it solved half of my problems. I am now doing something I truly enjoy ... something I would like to continue doing in the years to come ... a craft I'd like to master and hone.
As I bid goodbye to 2015, I only have gratefulness in my heart for all the challenges I have surpassed. It may not be a huge success for some, but it is a resounding success for me. It is amusing that whenever I reminisce, I don't really remember anymore how hard life was, I am just in awe how life can change for the better.
Thank you to my family and friends for holding the pieces of me together. I could have crumbled without you. Thank You, Lord, for not allowing me to give up. Thank You for the extreme care you have used to plan out my life. As 2016 rolls by, I am confident that I will retain my optimism, my perseverance, and my enthusiasm because I have the best support system ever.
Thank you, 2015, for the challenging year. I will remember you fondly. ♥
